Big Comeback Postponed (6/19)

The True Foes bravely faced off against El Destructo last night on a sweltering summer night in Barry Park. Sweat was pouring off the Foes’ faces before the game even started, with orange dirt pasted on skin like poorly chosen foundation. Ah, softball in Brooklyn. We had a shaggy field, sirens in the background, and an alternately annoying and amusing peanut gallery for a few innings.

We had a full team to start, and a few more arrivals later in the game. The opening innings were a little shaky, and El Destructo quickly took the lead. However, the True Foes soon wowed onlookers with their batting prowess, hitting rockets one right after another. The majority were caught by El D fielders, but it was still fun to watch them soar until that point. The other guys made some good contact too, but for the most part they had cheesy, piddling little hits and still somehow got on base. As Jason put it, “we got bloopered to death.”

The umpire was everybody's least favorite—the one with the silly "no crashing into people" rule who also loves it when batters walk. Seriously, where did this guy get his umpire training? At the School of Randomness? There could've been a blindfolded monkey calling the pitches and it would have been just as accurate.

Despite the scorecard slowly but steadily adding up in favor of El D, we did make some great plays. Jason caught a couple of zingers that were headed straight for him, and Issa was fantastic at first—nice double play! Laviola and Willy made great catches in left and right field, respectively, and Cleo covered second like white on rice. Softball Dave and Lipson had some particularly good hits, and Ben covered the expansive center field well. We were happy to have Abbey with us, bringing her skills and spirit to the lineup. Brian and Wendy showed us how it's done, when they ran like lightning, always going for that extra base. I finally learned to slide, and didn't get out at second base this time! I also learned that sliding looks cool but is very painful—my left butt cheek was numb for a good thirty minutes! But the wounded-warrior prize goes to Laviola, who slid on an already banged-up leg and only grudgingly cracked open the first aid kit to wipe off the bloody dirt caked on his shin.

Well, in the end El Destructo spanked us. I think the final score was 17-8 or some such thing. We were very thankful that Mabilon, Fumiko, Finklea, and Johanna were there to cheer us on and help us limp to the bar. We opted for the Water Street bar this time, and enjoyed the powerful A/C and spacious interior. We drank away the pain, and then drank a few more for Jason's birthday. All's well that ends well. We may not be the most polished or consistent team in the league, but if there's one thing we do exceptionally well it's ending the night on a happy note.

There are no tortured Hamlets among us: it is ALWAYS better to play than not to play, and even after a loss there's a sense of satisfaction in having worked hard at something outside the realm of email, spreadsheets, and to-do lists. I don't know if it's the heart, the gut, or just our oft-abused livers, but softball touches something inside the True Foes that keeps us coming back for more. Three consecutive losses? Whatever.

As we look forward to the next game, let's turn to Jay-Z for inspiration:

If you feelin like a pimp playa, go and brush your shoulders off
Ladies is pimps too, go and brush your shoulders off.

You gotta get that dirt off your shoulders, True Foes! Our big comeback is just around the corner, so heal fast and come ready to bring the pain to the next team unlucky enough to play us!

GTF

True Foes eat Hagfish for breakfast (6/14)

Unfortunately it was a little late in the day for breakfast when we played, and the Hagfish served us defeat on toast. It was a good game against worthy opponents though, and they definitely earned their win. Much more palatable than last week's game. I'll tell you the final score if you promise not to cringe... 13-5. It’s really not as bad as it sounds. It was an even, low-scoring game for the most part. But you know there's always that one inning where things just kind of unravel.

On the bright side, we had far and away the strongest True Foes turnout of the season! We had enough people for two full teams, and our cheering section overflowed the (quite muddy) dugout. Jason efficiently and expertly managed the wave of substitutions mid-game, so everyone who came out got a chance to play. Dark clouds hovered ominously at start time, and the ump was trying to tell us it was going to rain. I said, “Blue, don't you worry; I told it not to rain today.” And that's exactly what happened. The clouds blew over and we were left with wonderfully mild, dry weather and a puddle-free field.

The Foes welcomed back Jason to the pitcher's mound, and he pitched a full and intimidating game as usual. As one of the Hagfish batters noted, “He put some hot mustard on the ball!” He also hit an impressive double on a full count—very dramatic. David Phillips, Issa, and Willy all put their game faces on and played like the solid, sporty dudes they are both in the field and up at bat. Our "old" ringers were all present and talented as usual—let's hear it for Softball Dave, Glenn, and Brian (who pretty much caught every ball that came within a ten-yard radius of him). The valuable ThinkFilm crew came out to play again, and as always we appreciate their support and enthusiasm!

Speaking of ThinkFilm, Wendy is long overdue for some write-up props: she comes to all the games and she's seriously got the mad softball skillz. Her shining moment last night was a powerful hit and a very professional slide into second base (safe!). I'll just take this opportunity to say that in fact all the True Foe ladies did a bang-up job: We were very happy to have Cleo back in action, as she is a consistently strong hitter and infielder, and I myself got two dudes out at home plate, which always feels good.

Other notable plays included Peter's brilliant hit into right field (I can't believe they caught it) and yet another "impossible" catch made by Alex Laviola in left field (this one happily sans concussion). If I haven't mentioned you by name, I apologize: Ben, Brandon, Mabilon—all did great jobs too. And there's still one name that eludes me...the memory does get a little foggy after a “seemed like a good idea at the time” round of shots. It's a very, very quiet Criterion office this morning. Fortunately I've got Justin Timberlake and a Big Bottle of Gatorade keeping me company.

Even though we lost it doesn't sting as badly as it could. Camaraderie and team spirit abounded, and the loud and continual cheering was a great boost. Laviola in particular offered up some gems like: "Good eye—they can't teach that!" and "Show 'em where you live, Alex!"

But if the cheers didn't quite do it for you and you're still smarting from the loss, there isn’t long to wait for a chance at redemption. We have only FOUR DAYS until our next game, so stay angry and come help the True Foes punish "El D" on Tuesday, June 19!

GTF

Sometimes you win… (6/5)

...and sometimes you just have to take one on the chin. Despite a great turnout, fair weather, and the True Foes’ trademark ebullience, we lost by an anguishing margin of one run for a final score of 15-14 in last night's game against Standard and Poor's.

The field was more than a little askew, as we had to work around a lake between first and second, small ponds in short center field and in front of the pitcher's mound, and a bog behind home plate. The bases were shifted to create dry space to run/bat in, so although the distances were correct things felt a little off.

The umpire we had last night was definitely the worst of the season. He started off the game by inventing a bunch of his own rules, like it's an automatic out if you throw your bat, or if you run into someone who's blocking the baseline, or if the ball goes into the lake. What kind of sissified nonsense is that? It seemed as if things were biased against us right from the coin toss, which we lost (sorry, I called it).

The Foes were up first, and we did our best to take swings at pitches that looked like they were (to use Issa's words) “dropped out of a window.” Willy (the game's MVP without a doubt) hit a grand slam his first time up at bat, and followed that up in later innings with a double and plenty of RBI. Overall we batted well, but there were a lot of pop ups which unfortunately the other team wasn't completely inept at catching.

Mad props go to Softball Dave for stepping up to the pitchers mound in the absence of our usual pitcher and substitutes. The ump definitely had it in for him. I don't know, maybe the sun got in his eyes and thought that Dave gave him a funny look or something, but he just would not give him a break and called about 500 balls in a row. No credit to Standard & Poor's for effort—they seemed perfectly content to stand ineffectually at the plate, grasping the bat like it was a life preserver, cringing every time the ball came near and walking in a pathetic procession around the bases.

A change was in order, so Willy took over pitching for the last three innings. Besides the fact that he pitched very well, the ump seemed to snap out of his rut and start calling both balls and strikes for us again. The greatest injustice, however, was Blue’s harebrained idea that players should be out if they collide on the field. I mean, if a clumsy second baseman is planted square on top of the base, fumbling the ball in slow motion as I'm running as fast as my Pumas will take me, is there really any choice but to plow into her? I didn't see one. The ump said I had to slide, but failed to explain how sliding is accomplished when the base is surrounded by ankle-deep clover. Seriously.

A huge thank-you goes out to Brian Stenson for managing the politics of the lineup and substitutions (and for healing his feet so he could play!), and to Chris for keeping score for us. We couldn't have done it without our talented ThinkFilm ringers, who also included Wendy, Mike, and Ben. David Phillips and Jamie were both able to play, and though we were sorry to see them leave before the end of the game we appreciate them coming out. Danny (our intern) played his first game and shows a lot of potential, and Issa was excellent at first base as usual. Matt Lipson gets a shout-out for not only showing up when he had a sinus infection, but for bringing the Matt-mobile and hauling the equipment.

So yeah, we lost. We brought the stank to Superfine and carved out a space for ourselves to congregate. And then to add insult to injury they were out of Hoegaarden! Somehow we made do with other brews, and the night ended on a happy note. After all, the True Foes don't show up every week to play because we look so good in our uniforms (but thanks for noticing), or because we know we'll win, or because we're guaranteed to have perfect conditions. We rock up to the field, play our hearts out, cheer our throats sore, get hurt, and rub dirt on it because we love the game.

The next one is scheduled for a week from tomorrow: Thursday, June 14 at 6 p.m. at Barry 2 in Brooklyn. I have a strong presentiment we're going to deliver a mighty butt-kicking to Hagfish, so make sure you're there!

GTF

We won!!!! (5/22)

I only wish I could say the same for Blake Lewis, but I think Jordin Sparks might have him beat. It is a testament to how much we all love the True Foes that so many people came out even though the American Idol finale was on last night.

The theme of this season seems to be “overcoming adversity” because we had a lot of things working against us again last night and still came out on top! Shortstop Brian—who I don't think has missed a game EVER—injured his foot in another sporting event but still showed up to cheer. Various other Foes were out due to illness/injury/other obligations, but Softball Dave was back in action and we were glad to see him.

I'll be honest with you, Jason and Alex and I spent the better part of the subway ride down there complaining about the scant attendance we were anticipating. As six o'clock drew near it looked like we might not have enough people again, and we prayed for the ump to be flexible with the start time. Then Willy showed up, even though he hadn't been sure he could play, and three of the ThinkFilm folk turned up shortly after and we had a full lineup.

The True Foes were up first, and it was a pretty rough start. Our first three batters were all out right away, and Instant Karma scored in the bottom of the first inning. It was a low-scoring game, and every run was hard won. Except for the bogus homerun that Instant Karma got. The ump just gave that to them, and it was, I think, the batter plus two RBI. That hit was wa-a-a-ay over in right field. So far right, in fact, that it was actually completely FOUL but Blue called it fair. We protested, and his argument was: “From where I'm standing I could see right down the line, and it was fair.” Well guess what—I was standing at home plate too and it looked pretty foul to me. But whatever.

The fact that they got a three-run homer only made it more dramatic when we came back and beat them! We were ahead by two runs going into the last inning and scored one more. Then we held them while they were up at bat for a final score of 7 44. Kim and Abbey arrived early in the game and we were very glad to have them join us. Mabilon turned up at the end, just in time to shuttle weary Foes to the bar—much appreciated!

The ladies were very well represented last night; we had Finklea, Cleo, Abbey, and Wendy—all in very fine form if I do say so myself. Cleo made some great plays as second basewoman and wasn't afraid to get down in the dirt when necessary, and Wendy did a great job at third. Willy covered first base admirably (and drove the equipment home—thanks!), and our outfielders: Finklea, Mike, Chris, and Abbey all fielded like pros.

Alex Laviola made the catch of the season out in left field! The hit looked like it was a goner, but he sprinted, and twisted, and dove, and rolled, somehow managed to catch the ball and keep it, and raised his glove in victory when it was over. Apparently at some point he also hit his head, but I'm sure it was totally worth it.

Jason pitched an amazing game last night. Even after just recovering from injury and playing the whole game, he was still far and away better than Instant Karma's two pitchers. Even though the ump had an annoying habit of calling balls when they were obviously strikes he still struck out plenty of batters.

I wonder if Instant Karma finds their team name ironic. I mean, we would have beat them anyway because we're awesome, but a couple of their players were being really obnoxious and heckling Jason incessantly and even making farting noises and juvenile crap like that—and then, bam! We delivered the karma. I suppose that comes as no surprise to those of you who know how the True Foes operate: They bring the sass, and we bring the class.

So after four games our record is 2-1-1. Very respectable! A huge thank-you to everyone who came out to play and cheer! Our next game is Monday, June 4 at 6 p.m. Again we'll be at Barry in the Navy Yard, vs. Standard and Poor's. You don't want to miss it!

GTF

A Game Well Played (5/10)

...And we are still undefeated, in a sense. Not so much in the “not losing any games” sense, but more the “not letting a loss get us down” sense. The True Foes are the Chumbawumba of softball.

Considering all the things we had working against us, we played an awesome game. At first there were only six of us, and it looked like we may have to forfeit, but then Brandon, Wendy, and Michael (Issa's friends from ThinkFilm) showed up and we had the required number. Thanks for showing, guys! Several of our core players were out due to illness, injury, and travel, and we missed them sorely. Jason rested his ligaments and cooked up an all-star lineup for us. Glen Baken tried his hand at pitching, and I think everyone would agree that he was better by far than the Muckraker's redheaded smirking guy. He was all over the place last night and there were plenty of walks.

The True Foes were up at bat first, and to be honest the first couple of innings were pretty rough. They scored a long string of runs at the bottom of the second—it seemed like they went through their batting order like a million times. Unfortunately they managed to keep a big lead for the rest of the game, but. to our credit. it didn't grow at all. The Foes in the field did a bang-up job, and the Mucks only got one more run in the rest of the game, for a final score of 15-3. Hey, it's better than 15-2.

Brian and Issa were a dangerous duo at shortstop and first base, respectively. Brian was just a softball magnet for some reason, and then he'd whip the ball over to Issa and it was out, out, out at first! Cleo played a strong game both at bat and at second base, and Alex Laviola hit a homer and zoomed around the bases in a blur of knee socks. Alex Mabilon said, "Broken elbow? What broken elbow?" as he bravely batted and fielded fly balls.

The weather in the Navy Yard, thankfully, was much more tolerable than the saunalike conditions of Union Square. It was still a very humid and sweaty game, though. By the end I had dirt on me like Shake ’n Bake on a drumstick! We were happy to have our favorite ump officiating the game. He's very fair and actually runs out into the infield when the ball is in play so he can see to make the call. As for the Muckrakers, well...I don't want to devote much space to them. Suffice it to say that they were quite mucky and rakish.

At Superfine after the game we "rediscovered" the team drink: a dirty ho. That's Guinness floating on Hoegaarden for those of you who haven't had the pleasure. While discussing the game it was decided that "we are a better softball team. And better people!" Hear, hear. The next game sounds like it will be a lot of fun. Apparently a there's a friend of Jason's on that team ("Instant Karma") who's been talking a lot of smack. If you couldn't make it to last night's game, come out and play on Tuesday the 22nd. Even if you haven't picked up a bat in years, just give it the old college try. It's so much fun!

GTF

Still Undefeated! (4/30)

The True Foes played the Geekballers last night at Murray Bergtraum field. That's the one with fake grass where high-school teams play for as long as they want even when we have a permit saying the field is ours at 6 p.m. So we had a late start (6:30 p.m) which is pretty normal for that field. The rent-a-cops that watch the gate must have been jealous that we got to play ball on such a beautiful night while they had to work, because they were enforcing every single petty rule, like shooing us up into the bleachers instead of letting us stretch and warm up on the strip of concrete.

By the time things finally got started, the Foes had amassed quite a large cheering section of Criterionites plus family members, which was awesome. We were also overjoyed to welcome Kim (who had just flown in from California!) back to her role as our Take-No-Prisoners manager. We were up to bat first and off to a very strong start. It was a high-scoring night, but we took an early lead and held it for most of the game. In the end the ump called it a 15-15 tie, but only because it was getting too dark to play and we only had five minutes left on our permit. Boy, oh boy, was that lucky for the other team—because we were just one inning away from trouncing them for good!

There's nothing dishonorable in a tie, but honestly in this case the score does NOT indicate that the teams were evenly matched. I'd say the other team was definitely more Geek and less Baller. An appropriately geeky comparison: If it had been a role-playing game and not a real game, the True Foes would have five points for hitting powers, 5.5 points for field quickness, and a full six points for team spirit. The Geekballers would probably be rated about four points across the board. But the dice didn't cooperate—they rolled high and just got lucky.

That's not to say it wasn't fun! David Phillips and Sarah Finklea played their first game of the season, and we were very glad to have them with us. Our regular group of ringers (Glen, Brian, Softball Dave, Lipson) came out and rang, and Abbey and Issa brought the skillz as always. Laviola showed us that his first game was not a fluke—he really is quite good, and Cleo debuted with a great hit and a very impressive catch in right-center field.
Other exciting catches included Brian's over-the-shoulder move, and Willy catching two fly balls one after the other deep in right field. Jason battled the strong winds and a particularly long mound-to-plate stretch and pitched a great game. He also caught a fast line drive aimed right at his chest.

Forgive the lack of technical details, such as which inning was crucial and when exactly the runs were scored. There were also a ton of fabulous plays, hits, and steals I know I'm leaving out. Two beers on an empty stomach and a mind-numbing ride on the A train would blur even the worthiest of softball moments. A huge thank-you to everyone who came out to play and cheer! Thanks also to Johanna and Issa for hauling the equipment in their car afterwards.

It was a great game overall—I mean, win or lose, when you play ball on a beautiful spring night, and you can see the moon big and pale under the Williamsburg Bridge, and then you go and drink beer and tell dirty jokes with your teammates, you really can't complain. I don't think life gets much better than that, actually.

We can live with a tie, for now. But if we ever play them again, they're gonna get served.

GTF

The Undefeated True Foes (4/19)

"Mayhem" caused anything but on the field last night when they faced off against the undefeated True Foes. We had a strong first inning both in the field and up at bat, marred only by the lameness of the other team. They had no female player present at start time and they swore she'd be there any minute, that she was “two blocks away.” Then when finally she did show up (much later than promised) they tried to mess around with the batting order, but we were having none of it. After that, things settled down a bit and we played a good, solid game. We could have insisted on using the rulebook and won by forfeit, but it was much more fun to beat them the old-fashioned way!

The weather was absolutely perfect—not too hot, not too cold, and the air was very fresh. “Smells like runs,” Alex Laviola noted from the dugout, and he was absolutely right! Congrats to Alex, by the way, for the first home run of the season, and to Abbey for scoring the first run for the ladies! Our regular group of ringers showed up, as well as some of Issa's friends from ThinkFilm we met at batting practice earlier this week. Issa was in fine form on first, and was positively saintly in his restraint at Superfine—he went on to play soccer later that same night. Julie and Willy did the art department proud, and Lipson, as always, brought his own special brand of team spirit to the game.

Jason was seriously throwing the heat last night—my hand was actually shaking when I took my glove off! No lie. And he's got this new knee brace, which seems to keep the Bloody Knee at bay, or at least out of sight. I'm sure Mayhem's pitcher was jealous as all hell because he didn't throw nearly as many strikes as Altman. A welcome change from the Mayhem of ’06, the grey-haired guy isn't pitching this year; they've got another dude doing it, and he's pretty easy to get hits off of! Plus he doesn't grunt when he throws, like the other guy used to. That was gross.

Softball Dave led off the batting order with a keen eye and got on base both from walks and hits. He was followed in the lineup by Brian Stenson, Laviola, Glenn Baken, Altman, and Issa, who all just hit the snot out of the ball. It was pretty exciting. Everyone played a great game, and forgive me if I can't remember and list all the fantastic plays and hits—there were just too many! I'm sure Jason will fill in the gaps if need be. We all want to give a big shout-out to Willy for bringing a car and hauling the equipment both before and after the game—much appreciated!

After our glorious 12-6 win over Mayhem, the entire team crowded, clownlike, into Willy and Lipson's rides and headed to Superfine for some refreshment. Well-deserved beers, toasts, and lemon drops ensued, and the best plays of the night were revisited in triumphant tones. I know my enthusiasm leading up to the first game was bordering on obnoxious, but now everyone has to agree that it was completely justified! We rocked the Navy Yard and had so much fun!

This year definitely has the potential to be the best season ever! If you couldn't make it out last night, be sure to mark your calendars for the next game:

Monday, April 30, 6 p.m., at Murray Bergtraum field, the UNDEFEATED True Foes take on "The Geekballers" (no comment). Come to play or just show your support and cheer the foes on to another smashing victory!

GTF